Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Things to Remember

So today has been a good day. I got up and had breakfast with Curtis before he went to work, then I cleaned the apartment for a bit.Oh, and I got a call back about a job!

After that I got to see one of my good friends. We went on a walk to the mall and to Target. It was a nice sunny day and it just felt good to get out after all the rain we have had this week. We talked about her fitness plan. And how she has been working out each morning. She told me that it is really hard at first and then it gets better.

So after she left I started thinking about how this is starting to look like a season of big change for me. I finally have the support I need with having Curtis in my life and now its time to take action on the things I never thought I could do. Step: 1 Find a job in a field I like. Step:2 Look into financial aid so I can go back to school. Step:3 Start a Healthier Me plan.

It looks like a lot and it kinda makes me timid. But these are all things that I never thought I could ever have in life. I want more for myself. Making the needed steps for a better life is a must. I just need to think about what my friend said about working out. "It's really hard at first, but then it gets better". I need to use that same quote with all three of my new goals. I need to remember that no matter what I do in life, It will take time and hard work to get the results I want and need.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I have my glasses on

It's a new week and time for me to buckle down. I have applied for two jobs today. The rest of the day I am going to spend the day cleaning the apartment. I feel like that is the least I could do because I am not the one paying the bills right now.

I got my glasses this weekend and I find it fitting because I feel like I woke up today with a new focus on what I want for myself. I can see clearer in more than one way. I can see that this time I want something new for myself. Working my old jobs were more for the money and not because I liked them at all. I want to work a job that I look forward to going to each day.

 I understand that I have a luxury that most people don't these days to find something that I really want to do. I want to make sure that I am respectful to the people who do not get to do that. I want to really find something good. So wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Looking up even when its hard to see

Today I quit my job. I really don't want to hash out all the reasons I did what I did. I just had to. I feel like a failure and no matter how many people tell me that I'm not. I still let myself down. I had to stand up for myself and fight for what was right. I had to. I had to do it no matter the cost. I kept telling myself this. I kept repeating it over and over in my head. "Katie stand up for yourself". And in the end I did. Now I feel bad. I feel like it's another job I quit this year. Can I even keep a job?

I walked all the way home in the rain, tears streaming down my face and asking Curtis for forgiveness. I told him I wouldn't quit another job without finding a new one first. But I did it. He said that it was fine and he is happy that I did it.

But I still feel the pain of it. I feel like a looser. I feel like I will never find a good fit for myself. I keep holding back tears, I want to know that what I did was the right thing. But I don't.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Learning to let go

I find it hard to let go of things. Like when someone has done me wrong or even just letting go of my fears. For some reason I have a difficult time when Curtis goes out with his buddies and I am left at home. I don't feel jealous. I just get anxious about him being out. I hope that he is being safe and that he is having a good time. I guess that a calm mind will come in time. Maybe it is just part of being a woman. Who knows. All I know is that I don't like the feeling I get and that I really hope that I will grow out of it in time.

Friday, October 1, 2010

My First Blog

So, I wanted to start a blog. I don't really have a good reason why I wanted to do this. I just wanted to try something new. So I guess I will just start with who I am.

I'm Katie, 26 and from South Jersey. I have been living in Seattle for the last 7 years. I moved here in 2003, a few months after I graduated from high school. I came here to work with a non-profit called YWAM. I really liked my time I spent working with them and I felt a sense of home here. So after the work I did with ywam was over. I decided to stay here. The first thing I did was find some room mates and get a job.

So I got a job working for Walgreen's drug store. That job turned out to be the biggest pain in the butt and the biggest blessing to me. I worked there for almost 6 years. (That is a long time for someone who is 20 at the time and unsure what to do with their life). I worked my way up from service clerk to assistant manager before I left there. And I also met the love of my life there. Her name is Courtney. Just kidding... I met Curtis there! Courtney too, but I fell in love with Curtis.

What can I say about Curtis. It was not love or even like at first sight. I thought he was an ass. He thought the same about me as well. We met when he came to help out for a few days at my store. We were setting Easter candy. We were there working side by side and I just did not like him. A few weeks later after I had been transferred to a new store, he came and helped out again. This time a friend of mine invited him to come out with us after work. He did and about a month after that we were a couple.

So last summer I moved in with Curtis. This summer I quit my job at Walgreen's and so did Curtis. I guess this blog will be about my life and whatever I feel like sharing.