Looking up even when its hard to see

Today I quit my job. I really don't want to hash out all the reasons I did what I did. I just had to. I feel like a failure and no matter how many people tell me that I'm not. I still let myself down. I had to stand up for myself and fight for what was right. I had to. I had to do it no matter the cost. I kept telling myself this. I kept repeating it over and over in my head. "Katie stand up for yourself". And in the end I did. Now I feel bad. I feel like it's another job I quit this year. Can I even keep a job?

I walked all the way home in the rain, tears streaming down my face and asking Curtis for forgiveness. I told him I wouldn't quit another job without finding a new one first. But I did it. He said that it was fine and he is happy that I did it.

But I still feel the pain of it. I feel like a looser. I feel like I will never find a good fit for myself. I keep holding back tears, I want to know that what I did was the right thing. But I don't.

Learning to let go

I find it hard to let go of things. Like when someone has done me wrong or even just letting go of my fears. For some reason I have a difficult time when Curtis goes out with his buddies and I am left at home. I don't feel jealous. I just get anxious about him being out. I hope that he is being safe and that he is having a good time. I guess that a calm mind will come in time. Maybe it is just part of being a woman. Who knows. All I know is that I don't like the feeling I get and that I really hope that I will grow out of it in time.

My First Blog

So, I wanted to start a blog. I don't really have a good reason why I wanted to do this. I just wanted to try something new. So I guess I will just start with who I am.

I'm Katie, 26 and from South Jersey. I have been living in Seattle for the last 7 years. I moved here in 2003, a few months after I graduated from high school. I came here to work with a non-profit called YWAM. I really liked my time I spent working with them and I felt a sense of home here. So after the work I did with ywam was over. I decided to stay here. The first thing I did was find some room mates and get a job.

So I got a job working for Walgreen's drug store. That job turned out to be the biggest pain in the butt and the biggest blessing to me. I worked there for almost 6 years. (That is a long time for someone who is 20 at the time and unsure what to do with their life). I worked my way up from service clerk to assistant manager before I left there. And I also met the love of my life there. Her name is Courtney. Just kidding... I met Curtis there! Courtney too, but I fell in love with Curtis.

What can I say about Curtis. It was not love or even like at first sight. I thought he was an ass. He thought the same about me as well. We met when he came to help out for a few days at my store. We were setting Easter candy. We were there working side by side and I just did not like him. A few weeks later after I had been transferred to a new store, he came and helped out again. This time a friend of mine invited him to come out with us after work. He did and about a month after that we were a couple.

So last summer I moved in with Curtis. This summer I quit my job at Walgreen's and so did Curtis. I guess this blog will be about my life and whatever I feel like sharing.